I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
