he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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