Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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