after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
