When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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