Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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