I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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