I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
