How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
