So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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