im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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