I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
