I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
