he puts the penis in happiness.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
