Michael Bay diarrhea
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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