and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You pole danced in your parka.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
