I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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