Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
