1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
