y did u give ur computer a hand job?
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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