I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize