Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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