Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
We smell like vodka and hangover
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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