I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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