Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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