I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
