yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
