Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
