My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
