I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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