I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
