On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
