my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm too high and old for this...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
