Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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