he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
What changed your mind?
Being sober
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
