Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
