you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The uberlube is also flammable
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize