this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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