If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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