so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
