absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
