A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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