It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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