I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
