dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
