Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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