Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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