how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
