I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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