Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize