hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
