I just saw a hot homeless man
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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