Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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