Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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