He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just gift wrapped bread.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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