If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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