Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize