We're facebook friends in real life
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
