weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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