Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My vagina is very pro this idea
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
