When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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