He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
