My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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