SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
