I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
