He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
