Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
