it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
