I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
