yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
