Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
try to milk me bitch
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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