she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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