So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My penis needs a shock collar
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
