my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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