Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
