Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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