The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
