My nipple is on Facebook.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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