Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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