half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
