I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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