So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
