She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
