He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i've created a new STD.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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